i am this and more

About the Author
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Poems and more...
A Love Letter
A Word
Went on a Caribbean Cruise
I was
Ode to a Naked Mannequin
• The Nightmare
Suicide
There's an empty space
When the tyranny
Sitting on a limb
The words are becoming
Left California
The Search
Thoughts
Another Thought
A Short Story
We
The swirling simplicity
I'm a separate
The black hole
I've given up
The New
The Winds of Crete
A Song
A Message
A Question?
An Answer
And suddenly

 

 

We run along in our “civilized world”
With confidence in our vast knowledge
And then one day life walks in
And catches up with us


The Nightmare

“Get my damned family off my back
I can’t be everything to every one.”
The doctors and nurses ignored the
                    plea
Removed from the patient’s
                    emotionality
Lost her water 26 hours ago
Hard birth — got to go slow.”
Fifth child coming fast, terrible pain
                    Fade out again.

The physical pain is past
The emotional one will last
How long?  No one knows.
Last child will start revolutionary
                    throes.

Why do I have to fall apart
Before anyone realizes I have a heart?
                    that bleeds.
Don’t you know I have a sensitive soul?
I can’t forever play this stupid role
                    of understanding
                    everyone’s needs.
My open smile is fading
And I am going wading
                    thru breakdown
                    and hate.

High school drop out — lovely dancer
Wife — mother — without an answer.
Wallowing in despair
Because no one is aware
That I’m in panic
Child is ill
                    and
I have no will
To recognize or deal
With anything that’s real
                    I hurt too much
                    I cry a lot
                    The baby has brain damage
                    And I cannot
                                cope.

My fourteen year old breaks through
Grabbing my shoulders, shaking them hard
Yelling at me. “I’m telling you
Everything will be okay
I’m giving the answers today.”

The surgery is a major success
Subdural hematoma from birth duress
All cleaned out — all systems go.
Oh! Answer man did you really know?
Celebration:
Release from tension I laughed
Release of joy I cried.

Next morning a message
                    YOUR MOTHER JUST DIED
I stand in shocked silence
                     and fall apart inside.

 
         
 

© 2010, Doris Schachter

 

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